Back in April 2020, I created a YouTube channel. I was doing all the things that made me uncomfortable during that time (lol). Anyway, I recorded my journey to my first NPC bodybuilding competition in the Wellness division. It was an interesting journey and I stuck to my “must post once a week” routine. I didn’t have a video that blew up nor did I have a lot of views, but I wanted to just do something different that could encourage me to keep doing uncomfortable things in the future. Once I posted the last video of that series, my show day video, I stopped… I can’t really explain why I stopped… Well, actually I can… let me be transparent...
It’s hard for me to admit it, but friendships are important. I was watching a vlog the other day and the young lady was discussing how she cut off all her friends because she wasn’t sure if they actually wanted to be her friend. She knew that it likely had something to do with her Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), but she went through with deleting all their numbers anyway. Now, she is struggling with her depression because she feels alone and don’t have anyone she feels she can talk to. I don’t have BPD, but I totally get it. When I am having a dark cloud moment, I don’t want my friends or family to see me that way, so...
Let me be honest with you, I'm getting over post-competition depression. Yes, it's a thing and I was an easy target considering my background. I didn't go into my first competition not knowing about it. In fact, that was one of the first things my trainer told me about because of my history and my struggles with symptoms that similar to those who have body dysmorphic disorder. Regardless, here I am... I dropped from almost 140 lbs to 114 lbs for my figure competition and I, personally, felt great after the show.. like the first couple of weeks anyway. I could eat again! As I've stated before, I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am happy and when I...
Like many in the black community, I had a sense of humiliation surrounding depression and anxiety. I didn’t want a label to define me which is why I was totally against speaking with a therapist. I was terrified of being diagnosed and therein given a label. I was struggling with my own thoughts and doing it in silence. My mind was my enemy and I felt it was my war to fight on my own. After all, it is “my” mind. I had become my own worst enemy and soon I started to feel like suicide was my only option… I felt death was better than my suffering. Yet, I never went through with it wholeheartedly. My malti-poo is why...
