Intricate Perseverance — Anxiety RSS

Back in April 2020, I created a YouTube channel. I was doing all the things that made me uncomfortable during that time (lol). Anyway, I recorded my journey to my first NPC bodybuilding competition in the Wellness division. It was an interesting journey and I stuck to my “must post once a week” routine. I didn’t have a video that blew up nor did I have a lot of views, but I wanted to just do something different that could encourage me to keep doing uncomfortable things in the future. Once I posted the last video of that series, my show day video, I stopped… I can’t really explain why I stopped… Well, actually I can… let me be transparent...

Like many in the black community, I had a sense of humiliation surrounding depression and anxiety. I didn’t want a label to define me which is why I was totally against speaking with a therapist. I was terrified of being diagnosed and therein given a label. I was struggling with my own thoughts and doing it in silence. My mind was my enemy and I felt it was my war to fight on my own. After all, it is “my” mind. I had become my own worst enemy and soon I started to feel like suicide was my only option… I felt death was better than my suffering. Yet, I never went through with it wholeheartedly. My malti-poo is why...