Would You Talk To Your True Friend Like That?

Is it seriously already October 2021? Where did the time go?!? As I sit here and reflect, it is easy to focus on what I didn’t accomplish that I set out to accomplish at the beginning of the year. I immediately thought about my goal of learning all the basics of playing the bass guitar by the end of the year – clearly that didn’t happen. I also expected to below 30% body fat by now, but here we are. One thing that I did learn, with some therapy, is that I struggle to give myself grace.

What do I mean by that? Giving yourself grace is letting go of the self-criticism and accepting that perfection doesn’t exist. It’s an opportunity to show yourself some kindness and work through those moments of disappointment. Everyone has their own definition of failure. A perfect example is the way I view myself and where I am in life right now. I sincerely feel that this year, I didn’t accomplish much of anything thus far. However, others feel that I accomplished a lot. I took on a new position that moved me to Texas (new state, no family), I got the house I once prayed for, and I was able to find a therapist that seems to be working for me. Unfortunately, those accomplishments were overshadowed in my mind by the goals I didn’t accomplish.

By giving myself grace, I acknowledge that learning something new takes time and for some it takes more time than expected. Another realization I must accept is that sometimes things just don’t go as planned. Your definition of failure should be looked at as a lesson as well as a re-evaluation of expectations. Let’s face it, sometimes your expectations are unreasonable and often derived from how you think others will view you and what you have or haven’t accomplished.

All that being said, I am still working on me, and therapy is a huge tool in that. However, I have become more aware of the moments where I am being hard on myself. I have realized how easy it is for me to talk so negatively about myself which usually makes me feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and very unhappy. Now that I am aware of it, I can work on it. In those moments, I now ask myself, “Would I talk to my best friend that way?” Most of the time, the answer is no. The goal is to become the best version of myself which means giving my best to whatever endeavors I take on instead of focusing on “being the best.”

Hopefully, this post encouraged you in some way, shape, or form. Grace is a necessity, not a luxury. When you are start noticing yourself wallowing in what you deem to be a failure, take a breath and encourage yourself like you would encourage the people you love. You must love yourself too.

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